Hello! I havent really written anything on here yet despite having this website up for like a few months now, but i think i havent written anything recently because i just want this website to be perfect... however that will never be possible... i am constrained to bloggers layout and my next to nothing coding skills... alas....
i keep saying i want to get really good at coding, and i was on a roll then suddenly: i just didn't feel like it anymore. Blogger is really good in terms of making me feel accomplished - mainly because it is so so easy to copy and paste code. If i want my real own website however, i must traverse through much harder things. Im sure i can get the hang of it, eventually. I understand things like this dont happen overnight. Coding is a skill, and i must put my brain to work! And i will! Eventually! I swear!
Right now there are a lot of things going on in my life. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty details of it all, because i honestly think its boring, (moving, work, family, etc.) but trust i really am busy.
Me and aden are having a house warming party this Saturday, and im really excited about that. i would post the flyer here becuase i am really proud of it but i am afraid of getting doxxed.... Well ok how about i use my handy dandy ms paint tool (located on this very website) and show you the poster but redact important information?
TADA! (i LOOOOOOOVE my ms paint tool.....)
I think this is a good time to also tell you guys to visit my art gallery, as i've been making a lot of ms paint drawings recently and it's so fun! It makes me feel like a kid again on my parents computer. I am limited to my mouse and it is so challenging yet so fun.
Right now, i am at work. It is 4:20, and i get out at 5:00. I have to wait for people to return phones we let them borrow. i spent most of today drawing a zine. I really want to start drawing more things casually however. I miss drawing all the time. I used to draw in class and think about how the circumstances for great drawings would always be dressed up in this way. Boring lecture, and the necessity for a pen and paper. Its like listening to a podcast, except, i have to do it and its not because i necessarily enjoy it. Yet somehow i do. I really liked school. I liked being forced to learn things almost every day. I liked the assignments and the excuse to get coffee and snacks for a study cram and checking off the list of things at the end of a day and clicking, "submit" and having Canvas throw confetti for me when i did so.
But I'm also so glad im not in school. deadlines, pressure to succeed becuase this is a looot of money, the annoying cliques of people you cant seem to avoid even though you dont even hang out with them, you just see everywhere, and generally the performative pressure of being, "cool". Im so coooool. i take photos of girls and smoke cigarettes and also paint and im so cool. Im actually from new york but im so chill and laidback and i am going to ignore you when you talk to me because i think im better than you. I hate this small town. but i love it at the same time. for some reason, EVERYONE around me loves to suck my dick and also tell me i am a GREAT artist for shooting beautiful white girls. I can get away with being a dick becuase this is a small city, whereas, i am no one in new york.
*Disclaimer: Thats not to say i ever felt the "need" to be cool, i just hated being surrounded by people who did.
Sorry, im starting to get femcel. I hate writing about things/people i dislike becuase sometimes it makes me feel like this:
Mind you, I LOVE New York! I have great friends from there! This is just a small example. also i've only been to New York once but it was awesome alright?
I've been on substack a lot recently and it's kind of like if blogger were like tumblr and didnt let you code. But its cool. I read random things here and there but it inspires me. Right now i am trying to write more in general, which is another thing on the list of achievements i want to accomplish. I know i've done a lot this year, but i already feel like a failureeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! i must do more. I know i not a failure also lol jokes joking xoxox lolz but i made new year resolutions cards at the beginning of the year and i am too scared to look at them becuase im worried im not gonna be able to cross much off. to be fair some of them are more like long term goals and cant be measured too well. One of my resolutions was less screen time, which i can say i have definitely gotten down. i dont even want to say what my screen time was before, but right now i have it at 6 hours on a bad day. which is huge for me! there's no real way to measure it however, and you will just have to take my word!
And another quick thing: im gonna try to not look back on what i write. If i write it, i can read it, but im not gonna change things too much unless something is too cringe to handle but im trying to let this blog be off the dome as much as possible. no censoring or overthinking.
Well idk where i ended up on this rant. My brain has not much else to talk about for right now, so i will sign off. Thanks for reading this far in if you have.
